Wow .

I don't even know where to begin with .

It had been like what .. almost 6 months since I'd been on this job ? And I haven't update any post this entire time .

I'm currently typing this on my iPad cos things had been going slow lately since it's close to the year end .

Omg I still cannot believe it's Dec already .

Anyway , my job is okay ..... Though a lot of times I still think if I'm meant for greater stuffs . I don't really want to be stuck to this for the rest of my life but I know this looks great on my resume .

I love most of the people here but like any other job , there will always be an asshole that everybody hates ! As much as I WANT to put all the negative shit elsewhere already , it (or he) still continues to haunt me during my office hours . Sighs . Some times I feel like I have it in me to take a knife and stab the asshole repeatedly to vent all my anger and frustration . But it's not gonna happen cos I'm better than that and I am in control .

Okay despite all the shit the fucker continues to do to terrorize my tablemate and I , I'm gonna be an angel and let it all go because it's not worth it .

Then again , if I were to get thrown under the bus a few more times I might just crack . I mean I'm gonna bring out the bitch in me .

Okay past all these , I'd found some really awesome people and I'm thankful for having more good people in my life than people from the evil side .

But eventually , it's about the job . A part of me tells me I NEED to do this but somewhere inside my complicated system of thoughts and feelings , I don't really want to do this ....

All I wanna do is get married and have two adorable kids and live happily ever after - not gonna happen any time soon .

SIGHS .

Everyday is a battle .

Everyday I wish I'm elsewhere doing something else or living someone else's life .

Bad . But I'm only 21 ! I should be doing crazy things , exploring life in a different and more meaningful way . I don't want to rot my life away in a boring office cubicle and just grow fatter sitting on the office chair everyday .

I want to go live in other countries , go for a hiking trip , do a bungee jump or go diving in the deep blue seas and so many other stuffs !

Again , not gonna happen .

Because I'm too afraid to leave my 'comfort' zone and too scared to even think of swimming in the ocean .

Well but I really want to be doing so many other things .


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Okay I just got back from lunch and am in a better mood . Food makes me happy which is the result why I'm so fat . It's always a vicious cycle - unhappy = food = happy = fat = unhappy . Tsk .



I had been wanting to plan for a BBQ probably during XMas eve but I should discuss with the boy first . ( cos he'll be the one doing all the sai gang for me :') lol )

I cannot wait for my trip to langkawi even though it's just Malaysia . I just really need to go somewhere badly .


Okay tadah .



I'll see you ... probably next year :)

21st birthday - Love doesnt come in monetary form .

My 21st birthday just passed two days ago and I wouldn't say I had a blast . It was nothing I imagined , there were no crazy celebrations nor events . In fact it was quite sad due to some unfortunate events but miraculously I think I truly learnt one of the most important lessons in my life .

I've learnt how to be contented for everything I have . I am more than contented to have everybody I have in my life . Now I know I do not need all the expensive clothes and accessories to 'package' myself and try to be someone I'm not . I'm not more beautiful if I need all the expensive things to represent me . Beauty starts from within and I believe it . After living for 20 years, I finally know who I am deep inside and I decided to be a better person than before .

I've also learnt to differentiate between indulgence and obsession . No kind of obsession is good .

Right now if I have all the money in the world , I will donate them to people who need it more than me . Obviously I dont have the money or power but I'll try to do things to give back to the society .

I learnt a really important lesson though in the hard way (but I always learn my lessons in the hard way) and a part of me is thankful because through all the different obstacles I overcome , I grow as a person and I'm glad I'm sort of being lead onto the right way . I believe everything in life happens for a reason .

Lastly , I am really thankful towards everyone who loves me . A big thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday and those we made my surprise party last weekend a memorable one for me . I want to thank my Mum for always being the greatest support in my life and always teaching me the right way of living . I'm also grateful to have my siblings though they may be damn irritating some times.

Lastly I am really really really thankful and glad to have Kel in my life . Even though he may not be the richest or the most intelligent man who ever walked the earth , he probably got one of the best heart and that to me is the most precious gift of all . So thank you baby for being by my side through all the ups and downs (especially the downs) and for everything you did for me (really everything , you know it). I dont know what else I can say because words cannot describe how I really feel.

I will upload pictures of my surprise party last week when dear Cheng is back from her Tokyo trip ! *Envious*

Anyway I am starting work tomorrow and I am nervous like hell ! For now , I just want to put everything behind me (at least for the rest of today) and enjoy the last few precious hours of the unemployed life .

XOXO ,

21-year-old me .

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Feeling damn fucked up though I should really be happy because it's my last day of school .

Some times I think I'm damn pathetic because I have no one I can talk to when I'm freaking upset . When the only person who sort of understands me pisses me off , who do I talk to ?

I dont fucking understand . Please stop acting like a girl and stop driving me crazy .

Love

Happy 34 Months ! <3

Thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend . I really appreciate all the love and support you constantly give me especially when I'm stressed out over school and all other stuffs . (Although some times you can be annoying as hell too . Haha) I also love all the long talks we had and all the time we spent together doing nothing at all. Please be as sweet and doting towards me for as long as I'm with you .

Happy anniversary and I love you ! :)

XOXOXOXO .

-

Some times I really wonder if I'm asking too much when all I really want is a piece of work that you can tell has reasonable effort put into it.

I had been asking myself repeatedly these days if I am a perfectionist and I always conclude at no.

I am definitely not a perfectionist and will never be even in a hundred years.


I do not understand why settle for less when you can have more .

Some times I really hope people can really take criticism better instead of shutting down just because they hear or see things that do not please them .

Are friends really friends when they cannot be happy for you just because you did better ?


I always have jealousy issues when people have things I want but do not have but I never knew where to draw the line . Sighs the world is a cruel bitch .

I think I have a really complex nature to the extent I cannot even figure out what the hell do I REALLY REALLY want . One thing for sure , I want to stop thinking !




Peace tonight ? X .